You’ve been hanging out with your best friend forever. You love your best friend more than anyone, they are probably one of the very few people you would legitimately take a bullet for. You always knew she was beautiful, talented, smart and funny. I mean, of course, that is why she is your friend. One day it really hits you though. All of a sudden you see her in a new light. When she smiles, she glows. You realize that you really love her, as more than a friend, you’re crushing on your friend.
Crushing on a best friend is not uncommon. In fact, it actually makes a lot of sense. You got to choose that person to be your friend so you know they’re great. They are already a part of your life, they know your parents and siblings, where you live and can get a glass of water without asking. They know basically everything about you. They see your little imperfections and you fall in love with theirs.
They have seen you at your best, you’ve seen them at their best and love them. You guys always wish for each other to do good. You want to see them succeed. They have seen you at your worst. There is a part of you that only they will ever get to see and understand. They know exactly what to do when you’re feeling down. They can somehow lift your spirits without even intentionally doing so.
Then it gets really hard to crush on them. You love that you get to spend all the time you want with them. You love having serious, deep conversations about everything. You even talk about your futures together in that best friend kind of way. You crave intimacy from them, you love spending time with them but you hate it. It’s agonizing.
It starts to get unbearable, they start to talk about other crushes. You start to ignore the messages piling up in your Girlfriends meet inbox from other potential suitors. You want to tell them, you want to know how to feel. You want the pain to stop. It’s like you’re carrying a secret that’s trying to escape so very insistently. How do you deal with this ?
Unfortunately, feelings can be really crazy. You have to accept the fact that you might just lose your best friend. If they really are your best friend it might just be for a while. They might need some time and space from you if they weren’t expecting that and if they aren’t into the same way. The next step is having to tell them, of course.
You don’t want to make this a big deal and you do want to tell them in person. This means no letters, texts or Facebook posts. It also means no grand speeches. Get to the point. This will keep them from being confused and save you a lot of headaches and nerves. Most of the time when we try to rehearse some magnificent speech that’s the product of it anyway.
Do it in an atmosphere that is right, a regular hang out, don’t do it somewhere you are going to be rushed but also don’t make a huge deal out of it aka no “we need to talk” text messages.
Unfortunately this needs to be done and it’s better to make plans to do it. You don’t want to be the crazy person when your friend gets into a new relationship you scream that you love them in the middle of a movie theatre on a double date, basically offending everyone.
After you’ve told them this is the part where they may need space. To figure out their feelings, or maybe they have been harboring the same feelings all along and you’ll begin a passionate, foot-popping kiss and move in together and get a dog and get married and be happy forever.
If that happens, of course it would be the most wonderful thing. If not, both of you take time and try to start seeing other people and getting back into the swing of things. Answer those messages piling up in your inbox and accept that they don’t feel the same way as you. Don’t be bitter because then you might just lose the most important person in your life. It’s better to have them as your best friend then not have them at all.
