We’ve all been there. She’s single, you’re single, and you’ve decided to ask her out. That’s great and all — really, I mean, you actually like her! — but just how do you plan on going about it? Who pays? What are you going to do? Her place or yours? Do you talk about your ex? (Short answer: no. Slightly longer answer: hell no.) It’s important not to overthink it, but at the same time, not make it look like you haven’t put thought into any of it. I try to think of these few points whenever I’m about to ask someone out, and generally it turns out for the better.

First, find out what she’s into. High fashion/high maintenance, with expensive tastes? Low-key and chill? Would she prefer caviar or corndogs? Concerts or wine bars? It’s important to think about what she might want to do; I was asked on a date once where she took me up in a hot air balloon. Romantic in theory, but my near-debilitating fear of heights had me crouched in the corner of the basket trying to suppress a panic attack the entire time. Find something you know she would be interested in, whether it’s a festival, or a favorite restaurant of hers, or just a casual coffee date. If you aren’t sure, try asking a couple of her friends – that’s how I found out my ex was into squash. (Protip: If you’ve never played squash, maybe don’t do that for a first date. She had a blast. I got a broken nose)

So, who pays? This should be a no-brainer: it’s you. You went to the trouble of asking her out, it only makes sense that you would pay. If she offers to go halfsies on a plate of appetizers, that’s great, but be prepared to foot the whole bill…without complaining and rolling your eyes.

So you’ve decided to fuck on the first date, which has you wondering: her place, or yours? Ah, the age-old question of where to bump uglies. I know there are people who will cry, “But it’s your first date! Don’t put out right away!” I say to hell with that. If you’re into each other, and are both consenting and horny as fuck, why not? Figure out where you’re comfortable: do you feel safe enough going to her place? Is your place clean enough to have a guest over? Or would you rather splurge and get a fancy hotel room with room service and a bottle of Dom? Spending the night isn’t required, but you should at least put a bit of thought into it…in case it does happen.

And finally, how do you actually ask her out? That’s easy: just be you. If you try to be someone you aren’t in order to impress her, it’s not going to get you very far. You can only pretend you like Pitbull and Jaegerbombs for so long before you finally snap, which eventually leads to you having a PTSD-like meltdown every time someone says ‘worldwide’ in casual conversation. You think I’m kidding, but I’m not. It is so, so important to be yourself. If her natural personality doesn’t mesh with yours, maybe it’s not meant to be. Sure, she’s shiny and fun, but if those are the only facets of her personality you’re attracted to, it’s going to get stale really quick.