You’ve been single for a while, you just got out of your Pink sweat pants phase and finally you’re sitting at a cafe pretending you like being alone and feeling very hip, artsy and existential.  In comes the new barista. She is wearing a vintage Sublime shirt and underneath it pokes her tattoo sleeve. Your interest is peaked but you don’t talk to her just yet. You find her profile on GirlfriendsMeet and you know she is definitely into girls. You stalk her on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. For a week after you go to that coffee shop, watching her array of band tee’s and sipping on a chai soy latte (you’re gagging because it’s disgusting but you heard her order it once.) Finally one day you get the nerve to talk to her. You’re looking really cute in your Hendrix shirt. She immediately compliments it (score !) and asks your favorite song (uhhh… Purple Haze ?) Where is Siri when you need her help? She is endeared by you and invites you to see a local band at some underground bar on Saturday and you accept.

Saturday night rolls around and you’re in your new Beatles shirt that you washed three times in attempt to look used. She’s dressed up. You feel uncomfortable as you pull your hair out of your ponytail trying to seem  a little more dressed up. She offers you her favorite craft beer (all you want is shots of Stoli until you can’t see straight but once again you find yourself sipping on something you find to be vile.)

Her friends come by and start talking about some new art show. You try and keep up. The end of the night rolls around. You said you had a great time, it was awful, but this girl is pretty cute. You go on three more dates and finally you know the history of Jim Morrison. You hang out with your best friends and crank Bob Dylan and they look at you quizzically. Remember when you and your best friends listened to Joy Division and The Smiths ?

Finally you’re dating. You have become this new age person. Your parents wonder what’s up when you pass on the roast beef, you’re growing away from your friends and even your girlfriend is getting annoyed. All of a sudden you know more about yoga than her (or do you? Wikipedia shout out.)

You guys finally break up and the sound of Sublime makes you sick, you hate the smell of incense and you never want to eat hummus again. Your friends tell you that you have changed.

You couldn’t change, you know what you like. You’re a strong, independent woman. Right ?

We always hear that we should be ourselves. Sometimes being yourself means changing but you never want to change to be somebody else. It is delusional however to think that people (especially people close to us that we plan to spend a lot of time with) don’t influence us.

There is a quote, ” Originality is undetected plagiarism.” by William Ralph Inge and it proves to be very true. Is anything we do 100% original.

The point is choosing what you like on your terms.

I remember growing up listening to The Beatles and really liking them. I met somebody who liked them just as much as me and from there we were both able to introduce each other to similar things based on that interest.

Becoming your partner can sometimes mean more than just surface things however. Perhaps you got into a relationship with someone cynical and pompous, is your personality starting to take that on? Or maybe it’s a good thing and your light heartedness makes them smile and they teach you to be cautious of some things.

At the end of the day you want to feel aware of yourself. You want to go to bed happy and not miserable. Sometimes we don’t understand what exactly is making us miserable and this is it. It’s about chi and equilibrium.

You’ll notice you start to lose friends and family when you lose yourself and then when you finally lose your partner you feel inevitably alone and lost.

In essence if you noticed you started wearing tye dye, holding up the peace sign in pictures, writing love poems and eating tofu and this wasn’t something you did before.

Perhaps, take a step back dude and realize your worth and who you are. You want to fall in love with someone who appreciates you, so you never go a day feeling pressed or stupid. It’s not a cliche because you hear it a lot. You hear it a lot because it’s correct.