What Lesbians Think Of Bisexual Women

As someone who sometimes gets unfairly judged because of my sexual orientation, I tend not to unfairly judge people because of their sexual orientation but as a bisexual woman, I’ve received a lot negative comments from both gay and straight people. This brought about the topic of what what lesbians think of bi women. To get a broad spectrum of responses, I went to the women of Reddit to shed some light on this. Right off the bat, I was warned that this can be a very heated subject that most women don’t like talking about. After a little chatting back and forth I received some honest feedback from the lesbian community. “Lesbians, like any group, are not monolithic. We are individuals, and we have varying opinions on any number of things, including bisexuality. The short answer to your question is that yes, some lesbians have an issue with bisexual women.

I’ll attack the most commonly debated part of it, which is dating. Some lesbians just find it easier to date other lesbians. When a potential partner also has the ability to be with men, it’s something we just cannot compete with. We live in a misogynist, homophobic society. Men can give you equality, and of the social and legal benefits that come along with that. We can’t. Also, sometimes, genuinely bad experiences can make one wary. For instance, I dated 3 bisexual women. All 3 of them explicitly said that they were ending the relationships due to something surrounding their attraction to men and/or their inability to put up with the hardships of being in an open same-sex relationship. Does that mean I simply write all bi women off? No, because I am smart enough to realize that 3 people does not make a community. However, our emotions and feelings are colored by experience. The first time could be written off as a fluke. The second time sent up a yellow flag. The third time sent off a full-fledged flair. There’s a pattern and now, if I start talking to a woman who isn’t a 100% Kinsey 6, the line of questioning is different, and I take things a bit slower because I’m not up for another experience like that.”

“There’s certainly a measure of discrimination against bisexuals among lesbians too. I think to some of us, there’s something threatening about a woman who has the option of being with a guy too. Guys can offer things that women can’t – like not having to deal with all the societal issues surrounding same sex relationships. But that’s not an excuse, of course, just one possible explanation among many.” “It used to intimidate me. I used to think it was either a phase or experimentation or denial about being gay. Then I met her. She’s not even out about it, maybe not even aware of it, but she embodies bisexuality so beautifully that I finally got it. The crap bisexual people get is based on insecurity, not of the bisexual person, but of their potential partners. The concept of “Oh, she’s experimenting and she’s going to leave me for a man because he has a penis and society makes it easier” or “Oh, she’s going to leave me for a woman because she’s really a lesbian in denial and a woman will know how to please her.” No. This misunderstanding of who she is will cause a bisexual woman to feel discomfort in her relationship and seek another partner – which starts the cycle anew because the jilted partner tells everyone. No one questions domestic bliss, but everyone asks what happened in a breakup.”

“It doesn’t bother me, but a lack of experience with women would make me wonder if you are just “dabbling” with women or if you are actually capable of the same amount of commitment as you are with men. If you aren’t out as bi to friends and family, that’s another thing that would make me wonder. Basically if you treat me like a curiosity, like you’re only into me because you’ve always wanted to date/sleep with a girl, then I’ll return the sentiment and only treat you like something casual.” “There are a lot of lesbians who say they don’t judge but also wouldn’t date a bisexual. There are some that are close minded and don’t believe in bisexuality. And there are some who are totally ok with it. It’s impossible to make a blanket statement. Some lesbians who refuse to date bisexuals do it out of insecurity that there is a higher likelihood of failure in the relationship.”